Healing from Workplace PTSD: My Journey to Rebuild a Healthy Relationship with My Inbox
For the past few years, I struggled with what I now understand to be workplace PTSD. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to recognize that the trauma I experienced at work had a profound impact on my mental health. My workplace PTSD is deeply rooted in a workplace assault, an experience that shifted my sense of safety in any workplace. After I created viral content advocating for Black liberation and inclusion, one of the unintended consequences of sharing my thoughts and perspectives was attracting hate in all sorts of forms. From 2020 to present day, I receive threats to my personal safety through various inboxes, which is something no one ever gets used to.
Around this time last year, I received an email on a Friday (outside of Bloom's core work hours, hello 4-day work week) that sent me into a downward spiral of shame, and guilt and, over time, led to a 6 month-long battle with severe depression. I had received emails with constructive feedback in the past, and objectively speaking, I had received much more threatening emails in tone and nature. So, why did this once send me over the edge? I’ll get to this later.
The threats and that one email paired with my depression created a sense of avoidance with my inbox. I began to associate emails with danger, leading to avoidance behaviours that only got worse over time. Simple notifications triggered panic, and the thought of opening my inbox became so overwhelming it would make me sick. This fear led to a series of delinquent email habits and poor etiquette. I missed important messages from clients, potential opportunities with dream clients weren’t responded to, I failed to respond promptly, and generally my inbox become a source of dread rather than a tool for connection and productivity. I used to love spending time in my inbox. I’d smile while typing out emails to clients and familiar connections and do my best to fill my digital communication with the energy and enthusiasm I bring into IRL conversations. What happened?
Initially, I thought my inability to manage my inbox was my depression? Nope, it wasn’t that. Undiagnosed ADHD; perhaps I was neurodiverse? Nope. Through testing, I discovered it wasn't that. So, I kept searching, and after seeking out a Therapist who specialized in workplace PTSD, I was made aware that my challenges with my inbox were a trauma response. Through therapy, I started to understand the root of my anxiety and began working on strategies to cope and heal. Acknowledging the trauma was the first step, but rebuilding a healthier relationship with my inbox has been a gradual process. I’m still working on it.
Here are some steps I've taken on this journey:
Setting Boundaries: I established specific times to check my email during the day, allowing myself to prepare mentally for the task. Setting boundaries (and honouring my own) helped reduce the constant anxiety of unexpected notifications. I’ve built a habit around checking email that’s created a sense of safety in the consistent-habitual approach! Highly recommend!
Creating a Safe Environment: I modified my email settings to minimize immediate alerts, giving me control over when and how I engage with my inbox. This small change significantly reduced my stress levels.
Seeking Support: I communicated my struggles with close colleagues and trusted friends. Their understanding and support have been invaluable as I navigate this healing process. I’m still sitting with the compassion and patience Bloom showed me as I navigated through the last year of personal learnings and evolution.
Mindfulness Practices: Incorporating mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and grounding exercises, has helped me manage the anxiety of checking emails. I also don't check my email until after my morning movement. These practices allow me to approach my inbox with a calmer mindset.
Professional Guidance: Continuing therapy has been crucial. My therapist provides tools and strategies tailored to my experiences, helping me build resilience and confidence.
Gradual Exposure: I start by opening less intimidating emails and gradually working on more challenging ones. This method of gradual exposure helped desensitize me from the fear in my inbox.
Positive Reinforcement: Celebrating small victories, like successfully handling a particularly anxiety-inducing email, has been essential. Each positive experience reinforces my ability to manage my inbox better.
Vulnerability: I receive feedback better in real-time, so there is an opportunity for me to discern tone, ask clarifying questions, and engage in dialogue. I now let the people I consistently work with know how to best communicate with me. This has been the best and biggest evolution.
Better Systems: We are all thinking about challenging old-fashioned ways of working, and one of the ways we always think about challenging (and dismantling) work that doesn't work for us is to focus on systems rather than people. So, I've implemented an automatic "slow to respond" response to all inbound emails that clearly outlines when people can expect to receive a response from me and sets clear expectations. Speed is something many value but doesn't always equate to the best quality interactions or execution. Also, speed and urgency culture is rooted in white supremacy because it originated from exploitative colonial practices that prioritized profit over the well-being of historically marginalized communities.
For a while, I thought my inability to fully engage with my inbox and manage it properly was due to receiving one big email a little over a year ago. But it wasn't just that. It was the tipping point of the accumulation of various undesirable or hard-to-stomach comments, DMs, emails, and inbound messages. This was a HUGE learning for me.
Rebuilding a healthy relationship with my inbox is an ongoing journey, but I'm proud of my progress. I've learned that healing from workplace PTSD is not linear, and it's okay to take it slow. Unravelling ways of working that still work for you takes a lot of work. By addressing my email habits and working towards healthier behaviours, I'm reclaiming control and creating a safer, more manageable work environment for myself. Which, I need as a small business owner.
If you're experiencing similar struggles, know that you're not alone. I've felt shame in my inability to manage my inbox. Initially, I thought I might be neurodivergent, but nope, it turns out I am still healing from a series of workplace traumas. I work remotely and do 90% of my communication asynchronously, so I constantly navigate very real triggers. So, If you have been navigating (struggling) with something similar, I hope these tips (therapist-approved) work for you, too! Taking the necessary steps to prioritize my mental health. Healing is possible; it just takes time.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading and feel free to share! I know I am not alone in this.